I have lost my voice.
I have made myself small in an act of false humility.
I have let the gifts go dormant.
Singing, speaking, writing, prophesy, words of wisdom.
I have settled.
I have allowed mediocre and ‘that’ll do’ in.
On the inside.
I have believed the lie that ‘This is it. This is all you’ll get.’
Be grateful. Be quiet.
I have dropped my head.
I have dropped my head thinking I have to fit in.
Swim with the mass.
Stopped dreaming and I have stopped believing that.
‘YOU are the salt of the earth. YOU are the light of the world.’
But what good is salt if it lacks its flavor? What good is a light when hidden under a table.
Slowly but surely I have started to believe that everyone will do great things except for me.
Started to believe that having dreams and aspirations – in my case – was somehow wrong.
Go to India?
Help the poor and needy?
Start a business?
Preach the gospel?
Others? Yes of course.
Me? Don’t be silly.
And so I became a shadow. A shadow of who I was intended to be.
I don’t know when it started.
Don’t know when I’ve begun to let the confuser and the destroyer steal from me.
But I know this – right here – is where it ends.
I am a child of God. A daughter of the Most High King.
I have been called, saved, redeemed and anointed.
The Spirit of the Lord is on and IN me to declare the good news of the kingdom of God. To set the captives free, to feed the poor, look after widows and orphans.
To stir the gift in others and call them out of the darkness into the light.
To color this world with singing and dancing, with joy and hope.
This is my responsibility and I will gladly take it.
I will get to work – whilst faithfully observing what I have been entrusted with already,
I will spread my wings and I WILL fly.
For can’t you see, God is doing a new thing.
So I will expand and stretch out my tent.
Make room, for the Lord is wherever I go.
I will sing songs of justice and peace, write and speak words that declare His goodness.
I will risk things and I will love.
I will start things and will finish some – and some I won’t.
I will laugh and I will cry. I will make friends and family all over the world.
I will travel – and wherever I go, I will leave a mark of love, hope and beauty.
I will be a mother to God’s children and a pillar in his House.
I will mend the broken hearted and bring comfort to those who mourn.
I will inspire, encourage and lift up.
Sometimes I will be weak, hurt and I will cry. And then I will let others, the friends I’ve made along the way, come alongside me and hold my arms when I can’t, knowing that they’re all an extension of my ultimate comforter – the ultimate lover of my soul.
I will use my voice.
I WILL use my voice.
I will USE my voice.
I will use MY voice.
I will use my VOICE.
I will speak up.
To declare the good news.
To defend those who can’t defend themselves.
To speak words of wisdom, love and encouragement.
To sing songs that bring peace and soothe tormented souls.
I will dream again.
I am created in the image of the ultimate CREATOR. I AM – therefore I create.
I am an IMAGEBEARER.
I won’t make myself small anymore. And I won’t let anyone else.
I won’t let words of death and negativity into my heart.
I will tune my ear to the voice of the ONE who has called me, the ONE who has anointed me and the people he’s put around me.
I AM FINDING MY VOICE.
– Jess Mally, August 2015